The Envy Games
Published March 27, 2026
Remember I mentioned some of my posts won’t have neat little endings? This is one of them.
Hunger and Envy are kinda interchangeable now that I think about it. While Katniss volunteered as tribute to rebel against a totalitarian government, I volunteered as tribute for love - taking an oath in marriage without realizing how much I had to give up.
To elaborate, my current visa status does not legally allow me to work until further notice. My husband is on a work visa and I am on a dependent visa that is linked to his. The visa process is at a stage where my ability to apply for a work permit depends on when the next steps for my husband go through. I am not a lawyer so I am refraining from using specific immigration related terms. Plus, my focus is mental health while providing insights into my situation.
Throughout my undergrad and post grad academic careers, I worked part-time jobs while being a full-time student. After graduating, I worked full-time. For the first time in my life, I have no purpose except to be a wife. I went from being a busy bee to a hibernating bear; except I have no idea when winter will end. (Hey, I kinda made a Game of Thrones reference there.)
The transition from independent to housewife… has sucked. Full disclosure, I hate that I am a housewife. No shade to housewives, after this experience, I think there is no one in the world stronger than a housewife. Physically, emotionally, and mentally. You go, girls. It just wasn’t a path I wanted to be on so early on in life. Maybe in my 40s once I have kids I would consider it but I love working. I love the independence, the collaboration, and not to be gaudy, the money.
The worst part is- I’m so embarrassed of my current situation that the blooming butterfly in me shoved herself into a cocoon that never existed. I hate meeting new people so I can avoid the small talk that comes to this conversation:
Person: So, what do you do?
Me: So glad you asked! Nothing.
There was a point where my shame and envy got so bad, I was jealous of my own husband. Crazy, I know. It’s just that, when we socialize and meet new people and they ask us that question and his answer is “software engineer” and mine is “nothing,” I feel some kind of way. I can’t describe it, but I feel like I’m beneath him.
Full disclosure, we are a happy, healthy couple. Without meeting him, I would probably still be single, dating stupid men who aren’t worth a minute of my time. He gives me everything and more. But that is where the problem lies. HE gives me everything and more. I am limited. Emotionally, I give my all. Monetarily, I am terrified to touch my bank account and risk blowing through my savings. Also, I’m boujee. I need money of my own that I can mindlessly spend once every few months.
A lot of people I know say that they would love to be in my position and honestly, I get it. If I were working in corporate America and knew someone who was financially stable, unemployed, going to workout classes, cafes, museums any day of the week, I would be jealous too.
As someone who experienced the best of both worlds (I’m on a roll with these references today) I’ve realized, no matter where you are, your brain will find something to complain about, especially in an uncontrollable situation, like mine. The hardest part isn’t the situation; it’s how you deal with it.
I haven’t exactly figured out what works for me yet but as we know, nobody’s perfect (There I go again with a Hannah Montana reference.) At the end of the day, I made a choice. Like most decisions, this one too, had consequences. I knew what I signed up for, and I still did it because my partner was worth it.
But, I also have to be accountable for my mental health. Some advice for me and you- there is no one you speak to and hear from more than yourself. Learn to say nice things to yourself and give yourself grace. We are our biggest critics. I know how hard it can be to be nice to yourself during a tough time. Try being kind to yourself once a day and see how you feel.
So far, I’ve failed at this but maybe, if we try together, we’ll figure it out.